In my mind, if it’s one-of-a-kind milk, hell yeah you better buy that shit before someone else does. But it’s also understood that most people don’t consider these things… They act so frivolously in the moment that they don’t think about the positive or negative effects transferring over to their future selves. And when it comes to a significant other??? That’s a whole different realm that I, unfortunately, often live in and therefore must elaborate on.

I don’t understand how it is that we can be so blind to the blessings that are right in front of us. We see their value when we first meet them, but slowly over time we start to take that blessing for granted. I’ve noticed that this is a recurring theme in a lot of my “relationships” (i quote that because they usually don’t last long) in where I cater to my partner, only for them to absorb it as if it’s their RIGHT to be catered to; thus forgetting about taking care of me… I wonder if i’m just naturally attracted to selfish people? Or are selfish people naturally attracted to me?

Maybe I give off some type of vibe that says “I Can Be Your Mother Figure”, which is understandable. I’ve always wanted that feeling of being “in love” or having someone be as ride-or-die for me as I would unquestionably be for them… my mother and father had that… and I think it’s that POSITIVE example that’s set me up for so many NEGATIVE experiences in relationships. People don’t think about anyone else but themselves, and I can’t seem to make myself be that way too. People (myself included) don’t consider how often they hurt those that care for them, only to chase after the people who clearly don’t— or that pretend they do for all the wrong reasons.

The fact that this IS fact, a definite reality in humankind is discouraging… All faith that I’ve had in the genuine-ness in the people I become romantic with is quickly fading… Since the summertime I’ve been involved with someone that my mind told me to stay closed off to, but I opened it up. Things blossomed in a great way, and just when it looked like circumstances would be different, shit just ended up the EXACT same. The worst part is that I actually LOVE this person, would give my last dollar for them (already have), would feed my last meal to them, and would do ANYTHING to see them happy. I’ve sacrificed so much and I’m convincing myself to be content just to make THEIR life easier, NOT mine. And I wanna slap myself harder the more I vent and realize what I’ve done to myself, because I forgot about my own needs just to keep someone else comfortable…

And this is where the Free Cow Milk comes into play…

If you really see yourself being with someone, do you question that? I don’t think it’s not a matter of “oh I’m not sure, I can’t make any guarantees” because if you want something bad enough, you take it while you can before someone else does… That’s what I’ve been doing. And looking from an outside perspective I can now see that this person USED to do that, but at this point sparingly does… Why would they though?? Everything they could ever desire in a partner they’re getting without any expectations of GIVING anything in return… Having their cake and eating it too, you could say. And it’s not fair.

I dislike getting to this eye-opening point about individuals where i see their true colors, because then I just close off. They want “space” and come back thinking things will be the same, but somehow feel hurt by me when I want nothing to do with them… It’s never until I’m gone that a mofo realizes how important I was. Which is crazy! But hey, that’s life. History seems to love to repeat itself, so here’s another one for the record books.

#CaseClosed